Baby Cammi

One week and one day before my 17th birthday, I found out I was two weeks pregnant. I had my Daughter when I was 17. I did a complete 360. I wasn't the free teenager all of my other friends were, I was a mom, and that's all I've ever wanted to be. I love kids, and coming from a home with five younger siblings, I knew what I was doing with them. I had my Daughter August 7, 2011 after 16 1/2 HARD hours in labor, she was 8 lb. 6 oz and 21 3/4 inches long! She was beautiful and healthy; that was all that mattered to me.. I told my fiance she was our "own piece of Heaven" when in reality I didn't realize our days with her were this numbered. My daughter was a very happy and playful baby. I had her at 41 weeks and 6 days, her eyes were wide open when she was born, and she never cried. She was just a very happy baby. S.I.D.S has NO signs, or symptoms. JUST a tragic loss of a piece of you. The day of December 21, 2011 was my fiances' birthday, and he had the flu, so I took my Daughter to my friends birthday party (also her birthday), it was just a regular party, cake, ice cream, and pizza. When I got home that night (around 9:30) my fiance was still sick and in bed so I went into the living room, got in the recliner with my angel and played with her until she fell asleep. I then went into her room and changed her, wiped her down, and brought her into my room to put her down in her crib. My daughter NEVER EVER has slept with me before because of my fear of maybe rolling over on top of her but, that night I had the urge to sleep in the recliner with her, I fought the urge off and put her into her crib anyways so I could take care of her daddy. Later that night, at midnight I woke her up to feed her (I always did, even if she wasn't awake, just so she wouldn't be hungry!) she ate the whole bottle, and smiled and cooed for about 30-45 minutes and I put her back into her crib, still having the urge to hold her all night long, but with the exhaustion from taking care of her and her daddy, I put her back into the crib, and went to sleep.. Cammi ALWAYS sleeps late.. Every morning she'd wake up about 10:30. The morning of December 22, 2011 I woke up around 9, I laid in bed talking to my fiance, just waiting for the first little noise of her moving in her crib, for me to get her up.. Around 10 I told my fiance (Jered) we would get up, go get breakfast and go to my moms. I got up, got dressed since the baby was still asleep, and went into her room to get her clothes for her to wear, when I went to pick her up from her bed, I pulled the covers from under her arm (I tuck the covers in under her arms to prevent suffocation), she just rolled over, she sleeps with her hands on her face, so I couldn't see her face, which only means I wasn't prepared for the worst thing that was coming my way! When I looked at her all of her bodily fluids have done leaked out, and was over her nose and mouth. I called 911 only for the operator to ask me if I was sure, she wasn't breathing and that she had passed away. When the paramedics got to my home, it was storming outside so they passed my house up. So, what do I do? A mother's first instinct, I chased them down the road, in the pouring rain, in the lightening and thunder. I just wanted someone to help her. Someone to bring her back. Is that too much to ask for?! I'm a mother, what does a mother do without her child? Nothing - She's useless.  They made me stay at the house when they rushed her to the ER to "investigate" they took pictures of my yard, dirty clothes, dishes, and even paint on the walls. When I was finally able to leave and go to the ER, they led me to the back where I was able to hold her stiff, lifeless, non-breathing, cold body. My daughter was our world.. We had her services December 28, 2011 & I had a 24 hr service to where I could spend as much time as possible with my angel. On December 29, 2011 I had to lay everything that meant anything in this world to me, to rest, and I refused to leave until she was completely covered. It's been a month and a half, I still visit them cemetery daily, I still look in the backseat only to see there is not a car seat back there. Sometimes (If I'm able to sleep!) I still wake up for her midnight feedings. I still call out her name, scream and  cry. The pain never goes away, time doesn't heal, and it don't get any easier to take. People look at me and think this happened to me because I was so young.. Well, it didn't. It could happen to anyone. People never realize today could be their last day. Cammi made a HUGE impression on my life, me and her daddy plan on having more children, not to take her place, but to help sooth the pain..

RIP CAMMI!

MOMMY & DADDY LOVES AND MISSES YOU DEARLY, SWEETHEART!!!!

8/7/11 - 12/22/11